


Sweet surrender (to you only)

by energie_vie



Category: The Old Guard (Comics), The Old Guard (Movie 2020)
Genre: Eventual Romance, F/M, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, Love, Mild Language, POV Nile Freeman, Post-Movie: The Old Guard (2020), Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 04:40:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27028978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/energie_vie/pseuds/energie_vie
Summary: "They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. Nile doesn't really agree. [...] She just can't understand how it's supposed to work. Until it happens to her. She doesn't realise she loves Booker until he's no longer around."
Relationships: Booker | Sebastien le Livre/Nile Freeman
Comments: 27
Kudos: 170





	Sweet surrender (to you only)

**Author's Note:**

> Title inspired by Blue Savannah by Erasure.

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. Nile doesn't really agree. For one, ever since she was little she has taken issue with the phrasing "they say". Who are "they"? It feels a bit silly to put so much weight on words whose author no one even knows.

And then it's the entire principle. Leaving aside the fact that now she knows for sure there are languages that state the exact opposite when it comes to handling absence (English included, "out of sight, out of mind"), she believes the logic behind the idiom is simply flawed. It's as if this newly acquired strength of feelings is fake and when the object is back within sight, they just go back to their normal intensity. She just can't understand how it's supposed to work. Until it happens to her.

She doesn't realise she loves Booker until he's no longer around. There's an undercover mission and he's the most suitable, so he packs his bags, so to speak and relocates to Argentina. For at least six months and absolutely no contact for the first two. It's not safe. Nile is the one who drives him to the airport in the middle of the night and she's taken aback by how quiet he is. He's not the most loquacious of the group, that would be Joe (followed very closely by her), but she's never seen him like this and they've been around each other for a very long time.

'Penny for your thoughts?' she asks because the silence is deafening and she's starting to get worried.

'Technically, it would be a eurocent.' He smiles, but it doesn't quite reach his eyes.

'Fine, eurocent.'

He sighs but doesn't say anything.

'Are you worried about the mission?' she prods gently. 

'Mm, not really. I've done undercover work before, though not for a such long period of time.'

'Six months is not that long,' she says in the same gentle tone as before. 'It'll pass in a blink of an eye.'

'Yeah, I know, you're right. In the grand scheme of things it's merely a heartbeat. But I had gotten used to being around you all the time. It's going to be tough to adjust.'

'It's going to be hard for us too,' she reassures him, although she's pretty sure he already knows that.

'I meant just you,' he says quietly. 'Though I'm going to miss the rest as well. Who am I going to watch football with?' he chuckles. 

'I'm going to miss you too! What am I going to do without my best friend?' she wails dramatically. Booker actually laughs now, but it sounds a bit hollow.

'You'll survive.'

'So will you. And tell you what, once this is over we can take a holiday, just the two of us. We'll go somewhere we've never been before,' she states heatedly. 'Like Nauru or Vanuatu.'

'Deal,' he grins and Nile mentally pats herself on the back for cheering him up. She pulls into the airport parking lot and waits for him to get his backpack out of the trunk. 'I'll do some research on Pacific islands.'

'You do that, Seb!' she says and pulls him into a tight hug.

The entire drive back she feels.. off.

\---

The first day without Booker is weird. Without realising she calls everyone else Seb at least three times each. By the end of the day they're already teasing her mercilessly, so she ends up really focusing before addressing any of them. It's not working very well. At the end of the week Nicky dances into the living room looking positively giddy.

'Alright, noobs, pay up!' he announces and Nile frowns when everyone else groans and rolls their eyes, fishing their wallets from bags and pockets.

'What's the tally?' Quynh asks. 

'What tally?' Nile doesn't know what's happening but she doesn't have a very good feeling. The others just ignore her. 

'Twenty-eight!' Nicky is grinning like a madman and Nile thinks he looks just a bit unhinged. 

'Damn it, I had twenty-two!' says Joe, slumping back down in his seat at the kitchen table where he's playing chess with Quynh.

'I had fifteen,' the latter quips just as unhappily. 

'Okay, what the hell is going on?' Nile is honestly confused and these idiots aren't helping at all. 

'Kid, I had faith in you!' Andy proclaims theatrically. Then turns towards Nicky and mutters grumpily: 'I had thirty-three.'

'And I, ladies and gentleman, had twenty-nine. No need to applaud, I'll just settle for your money,' and he actually curtseys.

'Did you guys bet without me?' she asks, feeling a bit disappointed for having been left out.

'Hard to include you, kid, when you were the object,' says Andy. 'We bet on how many times you'd call us Seb by the end of the week.'

'And I, dearest one, have won, so I'm taking _you_ out to celebrate!' Nicky wouldn't be happier if he won the lottery. 

'You should mark it in your calendar, my love, since you winning a bet happens just once a decade!' Joe smirks. 

'Now, now, Yusuf, I know you would've liked to celebrate with Nile, but there's no need to be petty. Besides,' he adds, 'I have to take advantage while Booker's not here. We all lose when we bet against him.'

Nile is just staring at them, mouth agape, wishing for the millionth time Booker was here to unleash his sarcasm on them. 

'You all suck!' she pouts childishly and only perks up when Nicky promises the celebration includes pierogis.

\---

By the end of the first month she feels like she's losing her mind. She hadn't realised how much Booker keeps her balanced and how empty she feels without him. If she were more gutsy, she would sit down and analyse these feelings but she isn't, not yet, so she just sulks when she thinks the others are too busy to notice. They still do, she knows it, but she's trying really hard to be her regular cheery self, so she's relieved when none of them corners her for a heart to heart conversation. There wouldn't be much to dissect anyway. She just misses him. 

It's the little things that hurt the most, like their inside jokes or the nights spent watching old animated series. The fact that no one gets her coffee right, though in theory they all know it's no milk and a spoonful of honey. It's either too sweet or not sweet enough, but she never complains. The fact that he's not here to compare her weird dreams with. She's lucky they have a handful of missions to keep them occupied, otherwise it would be actual hell.

What's worse is that she can't comunicate with him in any way. She discovers a new band and she can't share it with him. She finds an interesting article on GMOs and she can't show it to him. They all watch a movie one night and she can't tell him about it. So she opens a Note on her phone and dumps everything there and she keeps adding stuff, waiting with bated breath for the two-month mark.

\---

They're all crowded on the couch, the laptop on the coffee table, waiting for the video call to start. It's like the intro to a sitcom she had watched when she was a teenager. She can't remember the name, it's been too long, but that's hardly relevant. She's fidgeting so much that Nicky ends up placing a hand on her thigh to still her and she smiles at him gratefully. He's always been her favourite, right after Booker. There's the unmistakable sound of a video call starting and Nile's heart is about to burst out of her chest. And then she stares in shock.

 _'You have no idea how glad I am to see you, guys!'_ Booker grins and he has a slight accent.

Nile presumes he hasn't used his English at all in the past two months, but that's not why she's in shock. Booker looks.. different. Good. Hot as hell, if she's being fully honest. He's tanner and he looks well rested. He's also cleanly shaven and his hair is cropped short and dyed pale blonde. Nile feels like she's about to hyperventilate. She's always found him very attractive but this is an entirely new level. She needs to remind herself to breathe.

At the end of the call she can barely remember what they had talked about. Not that it's _that_ important, she'll catch up with him separately because he's given them his phone number and they're free to text each other as much as they like. She doesn't even know what to start with, whether to compliment his looks or tell him she's going crazy without him or just send the Note with all the stuff she's saved for him. Luckily, her phone buzzes, saving her from having to decide. She barely registers Joe whistling or Quynh giggling.

_'I miss you so damn much!'_

Nile just sighs and smiles and she's fully aware she looks like a teenager having her first crush.

 _'You have no idea!'_ She texts back. They spend the rest of the evening texting back and forth. When her battery dies, she sits cross-legged on the floor next to an outlet and keeps typing furiously on her phone.

'One would think they haven't seen each other in two years, not just two measly months.' Andy mutters sarcastically, but Nile just flips her off without looking away from her phone.

\---

The next three months pass a bit more easily. Between video calls every two weeks and texting every day, Nile feels a lot better. She still misses him like crazy, but after the four-month mark she starts counting down the days. She jolts a bit whenever a phone buzzes, whether it be hers or anyone else's but in all fairness, hers is the most active. Outside missions, where she's always 100% focused, she gets easily distracted and alternates between talking too much about Booker or daydreaming about him.

The others seem to thoroughly enjoy this. Quynh gets her an external battery for her phone and just smiles innocently while the other three idiots snicker. 'I just noticed that sometimes you sit on the floor next to an outlet, so I thought this would make your life easier.' Nile rolls her eyes but she's secretly grateful.

Another time she sits down for dinner and nearly jumps out of her skin when she notices a large, framed picture of Booker to her right.

'Really, guys? How old are you, five?'

'What?' asks Joe, looking very confused. 'We just miss him _so much_!' he whines, batting his eyelashes and Nile just bangs her head against the table.

And then there are the bets. How many times Nile mentions Booker in a week. How often they have to repeat themselves because she zones out. What time in the evening he texts her. It's a loooong list and, surprisingly, Nicky wins most of them and he's so genuinely happy that Nile feels like punching him every other day.

 _'These idiots are betting on us!'_ she texts Booker when she's had enough and hopes he'll rant with her.

_'LOL! What about?'_

So she starts typing: _'They think it's funny to count how many times I mention you in the course of one day or how many times I zone out because I'm thinking of you, but I just miss you so much and...'_ And she suddenly stops, as if struck by lightning. She rereads what she has written and she practically hears the cogs turning in her brain. She sounds like she's in love. And it suddenly makes sense, the emptiness and the daydreaming and missing him so much it hurts. She _is_ in love. Fuck!

 _'You still around?'_ Booker sends another text and Nile genuinely panics.

 _'Yeah, sorry, something's come up. Catch you later!'_ she hurriedly types and then resumes staring at the phone. It buzzes again with Booker's reply and she drops it on the table as if it were burning. 

'You okay, kid?' Andy asks and Nile is snapped out of her thoughts. She doesn't even know how much time has passed since her stupid epiphany.

'Yeah, yeah, just lost in thought.'

'Daydreaming about Book again?' Andy chortles and Nile wonders if she's been _that_ obvious. Apparently, yes. She just rolls her eyes. 

'Screw you, Andy!'

\---

Booker's undercover mission finishes in two weeks and Nile is almost dreading his return. She still doesn't know what to do about this shift in their relationship, although she can barely think of anything else. She's restless during the day and sleeps fitfully during the night and suddenly she doesn't know how to talk to him anymore. So she stops texting him first and tries to be as neutral as possible in her replies. Her excuse is a more complicated mission they're trying to wrap up before he returns but that hadn't stopped her before, so she knows she can't fool him for too long. 

_'Are you alone?'_ he texts one morning when she's out running and she's so tempted to say no, though he'd see right through that. She always runs in the mornings and always alone.

_'Yeap. Why?'_

Her heart starts hammering when she realises he's calling. For a second she's a coward and thinks about claiming she doesn't have a good signal or enough battery but she wants to hear his voice so badly that the thought of rejecting his call lasts for just that one second.

'Seb, you know you're not supposed to call, it's too dangerous!'

 _'I don't care,'_ he says obstinately. _'Tell me what I did wrong. Or said. Was it something I said?'_

'What? No! Why would you think that?'

_'Because you're acting differently and I need to know what I did so I can make it right. Was it that joke I made last week? Because you know I don't really think that, I just..'_

'I'm not upset about the joke, Seb,' Nile cuts him off.

 _'What, then?'_ and his tone is getting frantic. _'Is it because I said I'd like us to spend a week with the guys before going on holiday? Because we don't have to, I can change the plane tickets and the reservation and we'll go straight away. It's you I can't wait to see, the rest of them can wait and I'm sure they won't mind, they...'_

'I'm in love with you, Seb!' she blurts out, effectively shutting him up. And then she starts freaking out because this wasn't how it was supposed to go and she's definitely messed up their friendship now. Her and her stupid lack of brain-to-mouth filter.

 _'That's it?'_ Nile could swear he sounds relieved but that just doesn't make any sense. 

'What do you mean, that's it?'

 _'That was the problem? And here I was, thinking I'd have to beg for forgiveness for god knows what. Don't get me wrong, I would have, but this is definitely better,'_ he laughs and he sounds so cheerful and Nile simply can't compute.

'Huh?' she asks and cringes internally at her own lack of eloquence. 

_'I've been waiting for you, sweetheart. For quite some time, actually.'_

Nile literally pinches her right thigh to make sure she's present in the moment. 

'Why didn't you say anything?'

 _'Well, I would have let Tuvalu do the talking. That and my platinum blonde locks.'_ Nile can feel him grinning. _'In all seriousness now, I had big plans for our trip. But now that we're on the same page, I need to rethink them.'_

'You're an idiot!' She says fondly.

 _'I'm your idiot and I love you,'_ he says, then hangs up.

Nile thinks that running feels a bit like flying.

\---

They're meeting Booker in Toronto. His plane lands in about an hour, so they all take the minivan and head to the airport. Nile is so on edge, like an elastic band stretched to the maximum, seconds away from snapping. She keeps reminding herself that she's an adult and she should be acting accordingly, but every few minutes she forgets and starts squirming in her seat. Luckily, she had been inspired enough to take the last row, so the others don't really notice her bouncing around like an excited retriever. Except for Nicky, who's driving and keeps glancing at her in the rearview mirror, the corners of his eyes crinkled in a hint of a smile. 

According to the information panel, the flight is delayed by forty-five minutes. Nile manages to hold back a disappointed groan and slumps down in a seat in one of the airport waiting areas. On top of excited and slightly nervous, she also feels exhausted. She doesn't think she was able to sleep for more than three hours put together the previous night. The rest of it had been spent rereading the neverending chains of conversation with Booker over the last four months. So when Joe and Quynh offer to get coffee for everyone, she gladly asks for a double espresso.

'Could you please ask if they have honey instead of sugar?'

'Nile, we all know how you take your coffee,' Joe rolls his eyes, but nevertheless smiles. Nile still doesn't tell them that only Booker manages to get it right, so she just shrugs and smiles in return. She takes her headphones out of her jacket, picks a few songs for an impromptu queue and leans back on her seat, closing her eyes. Fifteen minutes later the music stops, but she feels so relaxed that she doesn't move, keeping her eyes closed and listening to the rush of the airport and the various flights being announced.

'I'm guessing she didn't get much sleep last night,' she hears Quynh's voice but decides to stay quiet.

'Oh, the trials and tribulations of young love!' Joe has always tended to be a bit theatrical, Nile thinks and she's struggling not to snort out loud. If they think she's sleeping, so be it. 

'Speaking of young love, one last bet before I lose any chance of winning for the foreseeable future?' Nicky asks and the others wholeheartedly agree. 'Location of their first kiss,' he continues. 'I say it's going to be in the minivan, on our way back home.'

'Nah, they won't be able to wait that long. In the parking lot.' Andy seems very convinced. 

'I think they won't jump into it,' says Quynh. 'At home, in the living room, after dinner.'

'I tend to agree with Quynh,' says Joe. 'They're not that desperate. At home, but in the kitchen, tomorrow morning.'

'Same amount as before?' Nicky asks. 

'Since it's the last one, I say we double it,' Andy declares. 'And winner gets bragging rights for the next decade.'

They all agree and Nile wonders for the umpteenth time how the hell she got stuck with them. But she wouldn't trade them for anything in the world because she loves them too much. Her phone buzzes and she makes a show of jolting awake, though the shaking in her hands is entirely real.

_'Touchdown!'_

_'Finally!'_ she texts back and resolutely ignores the four identical grins directed at her. 

_'Yeah, sorry about the delay, love, storm over Costa Rica. Heading to customs now.'_

_'No worries. I can't wait to see you!'_

_'Me too, sweetheart, me too.'_

They all head for Arrivals, although it's going to take at least ten more minutes. 

_'By the way, the idiots bet on us again.'_

_'LOL. What now?'_

_'Location of our first kiss,'_ she types, adding a string of facepalm and rolling eyes emojis.

_'Anything good?'_

_'Mm. Not really. The parking lot, the minivan, the living room and the kitchen. Andy, Nicky, Quynh and Joe.'_

_'Shame they're all going to lose,'_ is the last text Booker sends and Nile feels her pulse going through the roof.

She spots him and his blonde hair, longer now than four months ago, before anyone else does and all she wants to do is hold on to him and never let go.

'Seb!' she shouts, then breaks into a sprint and launches herself at him, jumping and wrapping her legs around his waist. It crosses her mind how lucky she is he knows her so well, otherwise she would have literally tackled him to the floor. Booker grins at her and she grins back, carding her fingers through his hair.

'Don't you _dare_ change this colour!'

He just laughs and then he's kissing her and it's all she's ever imagined kissing him would be like and more. She registers a collective groan in the background and cursing in four different languages and isn't _this_ retribution for the past six months. Booker smiles against her lips, she shrugs and smiles back and they continue kissing in the middle of the Toronto Arrivals terminal.


End file.
